Lullaby

by DBLevin

Lying here
pretending I remember how to sleep
I can’t help but imagine
that sound you used to make
in the moments when we’d kiss
and how in the morning I mentioned it
and maybe you thought I was making fun of you
because the next night you kissed me silently
and I wonder now if that was the first time
that I broke something of yours
and then hid it in my memory

I remember the nights
when we would lie side by side
and for the first time I could sleep peacefully
with your arms and legs entangled in mine
because whichever way we’re facing
we’re still face to face
and even with your eyes closed
I still feel you seeing me
and I see myself reflected in your irises
the only place where blue can make me feel better

I think back to the times
when we touched each other drunkenly
and when you brushed against me
the ecstasy was almost unbearable
so I drew back from your fingertips
and I’m not sure what that meant to you
but you kept your hands behind my back
from then on

When we talked about how your life
was beginning to feel empty
because we had just found our passions
sleeping in another country
you cried right next to me and that’s when I realized
I couldn’t remember how to comfort you, or anybody really
and I spilled orange juice on your floor
but in the morning we decided
you must have forgotten knocking it over

I can’t remember why I didn’t see all the signs
that buried beneath the layers of lies
which we thought we’d been peeling away all this time
were just more layers
But I truly am beginning to feel
that with you I could find myself one day
exposed and without a shell
and lying in your bed
with your hair filling the crook of my neck
I’d feel warm without my clothes

Some part of me knows
that we did this all wrong the first time around
I could tell by the way you didn’t want me to touch you
even though that sunset was so beautiful
and we both knew I’d be leaving soon

But now I think I’m strong enough
to kiss you with nothing but
our blood draining to our lips
and I hope I didn’t start you
on this downward spiral
but if so, I wouldn’t mind
meeting you at the bottom
because even in the dark
I can see how your hair
rains down around your cheeks
like your head is just another cloud
lingering over this city

Again I think back to when we kiss
and fall asleep in that position
our lips commingle, stick together
like licking opposite sides of an icicle
and when we wake up it’s just as cold
but the rain in Seattle never really freezes
it just hits the ground quietly and collects around our feet
but to me it doesn’t matter which side of the country
we collide on
I just know that in that moment
we might see each other
in a way we haven’t been seen
in three years
and for once I’d be happy
just to sleep

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