Refrain

I’m not sorry, I’m just running away
so get to know this body by heart
learn every curve, every line in the dark
you won’t see me tomorrow
my door will be locked
and I can pretend that it’s over
but that’s not it at all
there’s just these clouds in my vision
as I walk down the hall
I hung your pictures all over
and drew your face on the walls
there’s no truth in, “I love you”
it just makes me feel better
to have something to say

so spill your drink on my floor
dance the whole night away
it’s not like I care that he’s hiding your face
cradled in arms, you look silly to me
where are the grown-ups
they say they know how to be free
it’s just like you said, “it pays to be sorry”
that’s just how it felt
when my eyes caught yours
as I picked up my things
and I walked to the door

It’s too much for me
to get caught up again
with little games and conversations
let’s talk about love and the things that we’ll have
while I type out for you
“I don’t have anything left”
“It’s nothing”, you say,
“you’re just making a change”
well I’m still not accustomed
to saying your name
it’s nothing new it just never felt quite the same

well let’s take a walk
let’s hash this thing out
I get all official when I talk about
the things I want to tell you
the things that I hid
but I’ll make my old promises
and I’ll give you my bit
I’ll go out on a limb and tell you a secret
someone killed me years ago
here’s the routine I’ve been playing ever since

It goes just like this
I’ll be your friend
maybe your best one
if you’ll let me in
but I’m hiding that hopeful glint in my eye
it’s the last thing you’ll see
before you say goodbye

~ by two of us, riding rainclouds on April 26, 2009.